We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
