OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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