Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
