dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
