Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
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I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
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I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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