I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
