Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
