she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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