Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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