my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
