i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Your cock deserves a montage
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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