so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
