I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
