There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
