Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
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Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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