Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
