She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
