so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
