i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.