It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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