god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
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he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
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These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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