i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
