Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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