dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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