every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
