i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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