All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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