i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
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