He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
