I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
