the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
