Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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