Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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