I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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