i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
