Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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