The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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