You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
