We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i think my cat just said my name.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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