i barfeds in our rink
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
