I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
