I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
