I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
