The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I understand Curling. That high.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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