dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
