babies were throwing up all over the place
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
