Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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