plz talk dirty to me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
