They should really pass out barf bags in church
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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