You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sorry my hands just texted you
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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