I accidentally had phone sex last night
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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