Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize