I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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