I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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