Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
