we have officially lost it.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
