i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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