I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
