Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You can't special order awesome
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
