So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
