Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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