I am puke
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
FUCK WHALES
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
