You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
