I think I am morally bankrupt
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Still dying that you shit outside
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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