Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
