This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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