it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
