i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
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btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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