the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
