i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
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he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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