barbara walters just said penis...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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