Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
