I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
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I understand Curling. That high.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
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