i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
