Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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