Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
