I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
No subtext here. People are naked.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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