k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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