So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ugly people sure do ruin things
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
