I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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