So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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